


A Million Reasons to Walk Away

by FieryAngel



Series: One Reason Series [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angry Sex, Angst, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Dean, Bottoming from the Top, But he's kind of a softie, Canon Compliant, Castiel keeps leaving, Coming Untouched, Dean Winchester Prays to Castiel, Dean doesn't need a beer, Dean is Not Amused, Dean thinks he's tough, Duty-Bound Castiel, Episode: s12e19 The Future - Mixtape Scene, M/M, Making Love, Mixtape Headcanon, Morning After, Morning Sex, Post-Episode: s12e15 Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell, Protective Castiel, Rough Sex, Sam Knows, Sam Ships It, Sneaky Castiel, Switching, The Colt (Supernatural), Top Castiel, Top Dean, Wordcount: 5.000-10.000, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 08:09:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11459535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FieryAngel/pseuds/FieryAngel
Summary: Even after admitting their feelings and consummating their relationship, Cas still bails on Dean for Heaven because he wants to protect the Winchesters. It really pisses Dean off because Cas had promised to stay the night before. Morning after their first time included. A bit angsty throughout, but underneath it all there is just love and shared concern for each other.





	A Million Reasons to Walk Away

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel that starts the morning after “One Reason To Stay” (which took place post 12x15) then rolls into 12x19-“The Future” territory. You should probably read that first, though there's probably enough info here to allow it to stand alone. Why you'd skip their first time with wings and stuff is beyond me though ;)
> 
> The mixtape scene is stolen from the episode, with direct quotes from the show, then ends differently when Dean doesn’t leave to get a beer.
> 
> Basically canon compliant with a twist.

Dean woke naked in his bed, and groggily wiped sleep from his eyes as he wondered if the whole thing had been a dream. With a smile, he recalled the events of the night and shifted in the bed, colliding with the solid warmth of another body.

“Hello, Dean,” came the familiar greeting wrapped in the perpetually gravelly voice of his new lover.

He couldn’t help the grin that involuntarily split his face when he looked into Castiel’s eyes and realized that it had really happened. They finally told each other about their feelings and had earth shattering sex right there in the bunker’s common space without a second thought to the distinct lack of privacy. 

'Sam is going to have a fit,' Dean thought with a smirk as he remembered the mild destruction Cas’ grace had wrought upon the room. 

“Hey, Cas,” Dean said before rolling his body on top of the angel’s and kissing him deeply, his way of reiterating his feelings and letting Cas know he was serious about everything they’d said to one another. He was solid and sure and without regret. No big gay freak out impending, thank you very much. He glanced at the clock on his nightstand and saw that it was only 5:00 AM. “How did I get here? Last I knew, we were on the floor of the war room.”

“You fell asleep before I was done with you. You’re very human,” Cas teased with an exaggerated sigh. “So I carried you in here and put you to bed.”

Dean chuckled. “I feel like a girl.”

Cas’ hands ran down Dean’s sides and gripped the firm flesh of his hips tightly. “Dean, you are all man,” he growled, pulling Dean tighter against himself and grinding upward to show just how much he appreciated Dean’s prominent masculinity. 

“Yeah, a man who takes it in the ass,” he said with a self deprecating laugh. “And begs for it, apparently.”

“That doesn’t make you a girl, Dean. Do you regret it?” Cas asked, a frown pulling at the corner of his lips.

Dean, always a man of action over words, shook his head and shifted his weight, drawing his knees up and straddling Cas so the angel’s already hard cock slid between his ass cheeks. Cas had long since put his wings away, and with them his oil glands, so Dean leaned over to retrieve a bottle of lube from his nightstand and slicked up his own fingers. He sunk a finger into himself, his head falling back in pleasure as Cas looked up at him with awe-filled eyes. He worked himself open quickly and thoroughly, adding fingers when he felt he could take them and moaning when he managed to hit his prostate. Cas watched, enthralled, as he ran his hands over the expanse of tight torso in front of him and writhed under Dean in anticipation. Messily, Dean opened the bottle and slicked Cas’ length with his free hand, stroking the whimpering angel as he continued to fuck himself on his own fingers.

“Cas,” he breathed as their eyes met. Cas nodded, and Dean pushed himself higher on his knees before guiding the angel’s hard cock to his entrance. He was so open and willing, and as he sank down, he released a keening moan that matched Cas’ own. As his hips came flush with Cas’, Dean curled his body forward, so their chests were flush, and he kissed Cas slowly and deeply. Cas kissed back in kind, licking his way into Dean's mouth and burying his fingers in Dean’s hair as he pressed his hips upward, encouraging Dean to start moving.

Dean broke the kiss and ran his fingertips along Cas’ sharp jawline. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Cas replied, covering Dean’s lips in a soft kiss. “Now move, Dean!”

Slowly, Dean raised his hips and lowered them, biting his lip to stifle a moan as Cas bottomed out inside of him again. He was a bit sore from hours earlier, but it still felt so good to have Cas inside him, and he couldn’t help but find a slow rhythm, making love to Cas in the comfort of his own bed this time. He altered his position a fraction, the new angle nailing his sweet spot exquisitely. His thighs began to quake as he sped up, his muscles tiring as he pushed himself to set a punishing pace.

Cas could sense that Dean was faltering and his hands gripped the man’s hips, holding Dean still as he flipped them over, staying buried inside of him effortlessly. Dean let out a loud moan as Cas pressed into him slowly, as far as he possibly could and held himself there so they were connected to each other in every possible way. He kissed Dean, tongue pressing into his mouth where it met Dean's and they entwined and caressed each other sensuously. As his lips broke away and trailed over Dean’s jawline and neck, he laced their fingers together and pressed Dean’s hands into the mattress behind his head. Their hands slid under Dean’s pillow, and Cas felt the cool, hard metal of the Colt bump against his hand. He filed that information away for another time, if only to chastise Dean for the very real danger of keeping such a thing under his incredibly mortal head.

“Cas, fuck me,” Dean pleaded, his voice coming out in a whine of desperation as if he could sense the angel's distraction.

Cas rolled his hips slowly a few times before straightening and pressing Dean’s knees toward his chest, angling him into the perfect position to hit his prostate. Dean let out a loud moan of pleasure, and continued to make the most beautiful sounds with every hard thrust of Cas’ hips.

“Fuck, Cas. You’re so damn good, baby,” Dean said, a little too loud. “I’m so close. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

Cas, ever too happy to please Dean, followed the instructions he was given, his rhythm never faltering and his angle never failing. He was watching Dean, marveling in his beauty as pleasure overtook him, and his chest swelled with the pride of knowing it was him making the hunter feel that way.

“Right there, Cas!” Dean cried out, his words dissolving into a broken moan. 

He was gorgeous. A pink flush covered his skin from chest to cheeks and his kiss-swollen bottom lip was clenched tightly between his teeth, doing very little to quiet the sinful noises slipping out of him. Cas could get lost in watching him and listening to his sounds of pleasure, but he could feel his own climax building and he longed to race toward the finish line. He reached for Dean’s neglected cock so they could come together, and Dean swatted his hand away.

“No, Cas. Just like this. Just keep fucking me. I’m so close.”

Cas tapped into his grace for control, determined to hold off his own orgasm until Dean came. His eyes had a faint silvery glow to them, but he willed himself to stay as in control as possible. With a deep, guttural moan, his hips sped their movements, slamming into Dean vigorously as the man moaned and whimpered his approval and clutched Cas’ hips. 

Dean’s thigh muscles tensed under Cas’ fingertips and within seconds, he was spilling over his stomach and chest forcefully. 

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean moaned as he continued to spurt his release all over himself.

Seconds later, Cas came in a rush of warmth deep inside of Dean and his hips slowed as he rode out his climax. Completely spent, he dropped Dean’s legs and they splayed open bonelessly for him so he could cover Dean’s body with his own and kiss him hard and long, breaking apart only when the need to breathe became too pressing. 

“That was incredible, Dean,” Cas growled against Dean’s lips. Dean buried his fingers in Cas’ hair and pulled him back in for another kiss.

“I’m inclined to agree, Angel,” Dean replied with a smirk.

Cas slipped out, rolled onto his back and cleaned them with a flick of his wrist. He smiled when Dean curled himself around his body, tossed a leg over his own and buried his face in his chest. Cas wrapped his arms tightly around his hunter and let his lover fall asleep on him as he rubbed soothing circles on his back.

Dean was snoring softly a little while later, and Cas let his mind wander guiltily. He loved Dean. That fact had never been in question. He’d told Dean he’d stay if only Dean would give him a reason to. There was no better reason than the one he was finally given by Dean after considerable provocation, and yet, Cas was lying there still considering going to Heaven for help with Kelly Kline.

He knew Dean would hate it. He was fairly certain Dean would be angry with him, maybe even angry enough to be unable forgive him for what he would clearly see as betrayal. But he wanted to protect Dean now more than ever, and by extension, Sam too. He would do anything to keep the Winchesters away from the whole mess. Nephilim were angel business, plain and simple. And he needed to fix this. He’d done nothing but make a mess out of everything he touched and he needed to prove to Dean that he could do this. Besides, he would come back… hopefully.

Cas sighed and glanced down at his slumbering lover, his heart clenching as he considered breaking the unspoken promise he’d made to stay. It killed him to do it. He’d give anything to stay with Dean, but it wasn't that simple. There were too many things going wrong that could tear them apart and they could never be truly happy until these threats were eliminated. He’d been selfish to push Dean into confessing his love. Selfish and stupid to rush him into it when the world was, yet again, going to shit. They should have waited until their responsibilities had been met. But Dean called and asked him to come to the bunker, and he’d come. After that, everything fell apart.

Cas glanced at the clock. It was just after 6:00 AM. Sam would most likely still be asleep, and he was fairly sure Dean wouldn’t wake for hours yet. He swallowed a lump in his throat and brushed the single tear away he hadn’t even noticed he’d shed. His heart was hammering in his chest as the very real human emotion of anxiety overtook him. As slowly and gently as he could, he untangled himself from Dean, holding his breath as the man made a sleepy little noise, then snuggled into the bed and fell back into a deep sleep.

Slipping from the room silently, Cas padded down the hallway to collect the clothes he’d left in the war room and dressed himself. He picked up and folded Dean’s clothing and set it on a chair before using his grace to clean up the destruction from the night before. It was the least he could do on his path to future forgiveness.

Cas drew in a deep breath and released it as he resisted the urge to go back to Dean’s room and slip back under the covers with him as if he’d never even thought of leaving his side in the first place. Everything he’d ever wanted was just a few short steps away and he could have it if he just ignored duty and followed his heart. He cursed Lucifer and he cursed himself for ever allowing himself to be the devil’s vessel, thus releasing him unto the world. He ached to be back in Dean’s bed with the man pressed warm and solid to his side, but he was too much of a fuck up to deserve such a thing.

Another rare tear slid down his cheek, followed in quick succession by an even more out of the ordinary second before the floodgates opened and he weeped openly, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs. He knew he had to leave and he knew Dean may never forgive him. It broke him to betray Dean like this, but it was necessary. Kelly Kline had to be found, and she had to be found by Cas. He was the one who lost her, and he was the one who let Lucifer out of the cage to get her into this mess in the first place. 

Cas cleaned the tears from his face with the sleeve of his coat and turned on his heel, walking up the steps and slipping out of the bunker before he lost all resolve. Once he was behind the wheel of his truck and an hour’s head start from the bunker, he pulled over and typed out a text to Dean.  
.  
.  
.

When Dean woke for a second time, he was certain it had all been a dream. The bed beside him was cold and empty, and if it hadn’t been for the dull ache of his backside and the fact that he didn't usually sleep in the nude, he would have been convinced Cas had never even been there. He turned and surveyed the room. Even the chair Cas sometimes settled himself into to watch Dean sleep out of boredom was currently empty. The clock read 9:14. Maybe the angel had just gotten bored and got up for the day. It’s not like he needed sleep, though Dean had kind of hoped snuggling would have been enough to make Cas stay in bed with him. 

He really was a girl.

He stretched, feeling a bit of soreness in his muscles, and he smiled as he remembered just what caused it. It had been the best sex of his life, and he was proud to hobble around with the painful reminder of it. He finally pushed himself to his feet and dressed in boxers and a tee shirt before slipping on his robe and padding out of his bedroom and down the hall to the kitchen.

“Morning,” Dean said when he saw Sam standing over the counter, cutting up fruit for his breakfast.

Sam turned and smirked at his brother with one eyebrow raised in question.

“What?” Dean grumbled, moving to the coffee pot to pour himself a cup.

“Oh nothing. Just… so you and Cas, huh?”

Dean choked on his first sip of coffee and set the cup aside so he could wipe up the spillage down his front. “What? No… I mean…well… kind of… yeah. Yeah, me and Cas. You got something to say about it?”

“Dean, don’t hurt yourself. I saw you guys when I came home. You were so cute all wrapped up in his wings, but you could have at least tried to make it to bed,” Sam teased. “Though, once you finally did get there, it got a bit noisy after a while. But I have headphones, and I’m happy for you. It was a long time coming.”

“Really? You knew that we… how we… felt?”

“Dean, everybody who ever saw you together knew. You weren’t really as subtle as you think you were.”

“I’m surprised you never made fun of me,” Dean said with a shake of his head.

Sam looked at him thoughtfully. “I considered it, early on, especially, but I don’t know. It was different with him. It was real. I could see that and it made it not so funny, you know? The way you looked at him... I guess I didn't want to spook you and ruin it. Couldn’t resist a little jab when those girls did that musical though,” Sam replied with a chuckle at the memory. “I should call them and tell them Deastiel is canon!”

“Destiel,” Dean corrected, his mouth turning up in a little smile as he thought of the day he’d defensively yelled at Sam to get in the car when he started teasing him over the teenagers’ ‘ship.’

Sam smiled at the mushy, far off look on Dean’s face. “I really am happy for you, Dean. Don’t mess it up.”

Dean could feel the dopey smile on his face and found he couldn’t force it away if he tried. “I don’t plan on it. I’m-I’m in love with him, Sammy. I think this is it.”

“I know,” Sam said, slapping him on the back and settling into a chair to eat his fruit.

“So where is he, anyway?” Dean asked, almost forgetting that his angel was currently MIA.

“How would I know? I thought he was in your room.”

Dean’s heart dropped, and he rushed out of the kitchen in a whirl of black bathrobe. He stalked down the hall, throwing the door to Cas’ designated bedroom open only to find it empty. He practically ran to the war room, where he saw yesterday’s clothes neatly folded in a pile and the broken lightbulbs repaired, but no angel. He checked the library, the bathrooms, the spare bedrooms, even the storage rooms and dungeon as a last-ditch effort, but no Cas. He felt like he was about to have a panic attack, his breathing fast and shallow as his heart slammed against his ribs relentlessly.

Returning to his room, he dropped down on the edge of the bed before noticing his phone on the nightstand. He felt so stupid when he realized he hadn’t even checked it, and he calmed a bit when he saw he had a new text from Cas. Then he read it and had the sudden urge to go out and kill something.

“I’m sorry Dean. I forced you to tell me you love me when I knew I couldn’t keep my promise to stay. I was selfish and it wasn’t the right time, but either of us could be dead tomorrow, and it's never the right time. I have to find Kelly Kline, and the angels can help me. This is something I have to do on my own. I hope that one day you can forgive me. I love you. No matter what happens, that will always be true. When this is over, all I want is to be with you, if you’ll have me.”

.  
.  
.

It started not long after Cas had left. Desperate prayers begging him to stop, that it wasn’t too late and he could just come back. They evolved as the days went by into angry tirades berating Cas for lying to and betraying him, for leaving him. Finally, the prayers became woeful and sad, begging Cas to come back, to just let Dean know he was alive, that Dean missed him, worried about his safety and loved him, and he just wanted to see Cas’ face again. He could hear the tears in Dean’s voice. He caught every little broken word and hitched breath as Dean prayed to him. It was unbearable, and he ached to return to him. 

Finally, after weeks of strategizing in Heaven, he was tasked with bringing the Colt to Dagon and Kelly where they were hiding away. He would see Dean, only to have to turn around and betray him yet again. He could only hope that Dean could find it in his heart to understand that Cas was doing this all for him. He just wanted Dean to be safe and unburdened by the act of killing an innocent woman and her unborn child. It had to be Castiel who took on this task and cleaned up his own mess.

He returned to the sandbox and his phone buzzed to life once more as it regained service, flashing with every text and voicemail Dean had left since he’d gone and disappeared on the man. Cas sat in his truck and listened to each voice mail and read every text, his heart clenching as he relived every prayer Dean had sent his way. The messages followed the same pattern, and it was tearing his heart out all over again. 

He hit reply and stared at the screen, wondering what he could possibly say to begin to make it right. Minutes passed. The phone timed out and went dark a few times before he finally pocketed it and heard it clack against the cassette tape he kept there, over his heart. 

He clearly remembered the day Dean gave it to him. It was shortly after he’d almost died at Ramiel’s hand. Cas had thought that was it. He was going to die, to simply cease to exist, and Dean would never know how Cas felt about him. So, he’d confessed. He was cowardly about it, unable to look Dean in the eye, and he had to include the rest of the family, but he’d told Dean he loved him. He could sense Dean knew the first confession was for him alone and it eased his mind just a bit. As long as Dean knew, it would be ok for him to blink out of existence.

The next morning, Dean handed him the tape. He must have stayed up all night picking out the perfect songs and recording them for him. When Dean gave it to him, Cas could feel the adoration and longing rolling off of the man just as clearly as he could see the red blush that spread across his cheeks masking his adorable freckles. Cas wondered what would have happened if he’d made a move that day, if he’d just closed the distance between them and kissed Dean.

“I uh, made this for you. You know, in case you need something to listen to in the truck,” Dean had said, holding the tape out, averting his eyes and shuffling his feet as though he were embarrassed. “I don’t know if you’ll like it, but it’s some of my favorite songs. I guess I just wanted to… um… share them with you.”

Cas had taken the tape with a sincere “Thank you, I’m sure I’ll enjoy it,” then read the label with a smile before pocketing the tape, placing it right over his heart. The two X’s that misspelled the word ‘Tracks’ held their own little implications of kisses, and Cas, having been graced with a wealth of pop culture knowledge courtesy of Metatron, knew that mix tapes weren’t commonly known for being platonic gifts. This was Dean’s emotionally constipated way of sharing his own feelings with Cas, his first love confession, and Cas accepted the gift without too much fanfare. He knew Dean needed to do this in his own time, in his own way. This was just the first step in working toward the confession Cas so longed to hear out loud, and eventually forced from Dean selfishly.

Shaking off the memory, he started the truck, popped the tape into the tape deck and ‘Ramble On’ started to play. He gave one last fleeting thought to texting or calling Dean back before pushing it aside and driving off toward Lebanon and his scorned lover. It would be better to do this in person.

.  
.  
.

Dean had the acute knowledge that he was staring stupidly, mouth agape like a damned fish. There was a split second of relief when a very alive Castiel appeared at the top of the stairs, followed quickly by such dark fury, Dean almost had to check his arm to be sure the Mark of Cain hadn’t somehow reappeared. Perhaps it was childish to snap at Cas like a scorned wife and storm off for his bedroom without caring to wait for a real explanation, but he didn't care. Cas said he’d stay and he hadn’t, and Dean had every right to be pissed.

He was so sick of the angel foolishly throwing himself in harm’s way every time he turned around. He was so scared he would lose him. First, Cas killed Billie, and the possible repercussions of that still terrified Dean every minute of every day. He’d almost died in that old barn the night they fought Ramiel. Then he flitted off to Heaven without a thought of how he would be received there after everything he'd done. Dean had spent weeks thinking Cas had been killed or imprisoned, and now here he was showing up with some half-cocked excuse of poor phone service to explain his radio silence.

A knock broke through the silence of Dean’s bedroom and he ignored it, knowing all too well who was on the other side of the door. He didn't want to see him, not now. He was afraid he would say or do something he couldn’t take back, or worse, that he would look into those too-blue eyes and just melt and forgive him. He should have known Cas would ignore his silence and open the door anyway.

“Sorry Dean,” Cas said softly. “Um… I just wanted to… return this.” He set the tape Dean had given him only weeks ago on the edge of his desk, tapping it once for good measure and turning to leave the room.

Dean picked the tape up and held it out without making eye contact. How dare the stupid angel try to give it back? He’d poured his heart into that gift. It was practically his first declaration of love towards Cas, created as a response to the ‘I love you’ that had clearly been meant for him. Did Cas think he was breaking up with him or something? Dean didn’t even realize Cas would understand the symbolism of the gift.

“It’s a gift,” Dean said, eyes still averted, though he ached to look at Cas so much. “You keep those.”

Cas turned back and snatched the tape back quickly. “Oh,” he said simply and turned once more to leave Dean alone.

“Cas,” Dean said, not wanting to let his angel walk out the door, afraid he'd simply leave and he'd never see him again. “You can’t- With everything that’s going on you can’t just go dark like that. We didn’t know what happened to you. We were worried and that’s not ok.”

“Well I didn't mean to add to your distress.” Cas said and Dean shook his head, eyes still averted. “I-Dean, I just keep failing. Again and again. When you were taken, I searched for months and I couldn’t find you, and then Kelly escaped on my watch and I couldn’t find her, and I just wanted… I needed to come back here with a win for you… and for myself.”

“You think you’re the only one rolling snake eyes here?” Dean asked and Cas squinted at him, as he finally made eye contact with the angel. “Me and Sam, we had her. He had Kelly and we lost her.”

“And if you find her again?” Cas asked.

“Sam’s been working on it. ‘Course he’s hellbent on finding something that doesn’t mean killing her, or her kid.”

“Right, and if he doesn't find something? If you run out of time, could either of you kill an innocent?” Cas asked, tilting his head in question.

Dean looked around, unsure. “We will find a better way.”

“You mean WE?” Cas asked, gesturing between the two of them, the mix tape he still clutched rattling in his hand with the movement.

“Yes, dumbass, we,” Dean said, standing and making his way closer to Cas. “You, me… and Sam. We’re just better together. So now that you’re back, let’s go Team Free Will. Let’s get it done.”

“I’d like that,” Cas said, hope mixed with despair filling the empty space in his chest. He knew the night would end in the worst way possible, because he was here for one reason, and it wasn’t to stick around and mend fences. It killed him that he was going to hurt Dean again, but he could also see that forgiveness was possible. Once he explained he was doing it all to protect Dean, it would all work out. He was sure of it.

“I’d like a boyfriend who doesn't run off without telling me where he’s going,” Dean said, closing the door and pushing Cas up against it angrily. “Damn it Cas, I was sick with worry, you stupid angel!”

“Dean, I-”

“Shut up,” Dean growled, kissing Cas hard as his hands grasped the angel’s hips and pulled him flush against himself. “Do you know how much I missed you? How much I wanted you back here with me? No matter how pissed I got, all I could think about was having you back in my arms. I was so afraid, Cas.”

“I know,” Cas said quietly. “I heard your prayers.”

“Fuck, Cas! What is this, Purgatory all over again? How could you ignore my prayers again? I fucking missed you! I thought you were dead!” Dean was clutching Cas desperately, sucking harsh marks under his jaw as if the claim on his skin would cause Cas to grow roots and stay by his side.

Cas gasped as Dean’s lips moved along his skin, clutching at the man’s shoulders to ground himself. “I missed you too, but I had to go. Don’t you understand by now that everything I do is for you? I need you safe, Dean. Nothing else matters if you’re not.” Cas pushed back against Dean in kind, walking him toward the bed while trying to divest himself of his coat and jacket. “Please just trust me. Nothing I do is meant to hurt you.”

“I’d trust you more if you would talk to me! No more flitting off without a word!” Dean kissed Cas forcefully, yanking at his tie to loosen it and pulling it over the angel’s head before ripping his shirt open and sending buttons carelessly raining around the room in his haste. Cas pushed at Dean’s button-up, shoving it off his shoulders and to the floor before pulling his tee shirt over his head and tossing it away. 

“Fuck, Cas, I need you,” Dean growled, kicking his shoes away and getting his jeans off and discarded as Cas followed suit. In seconds, underwear was shed and they stood naked before each other for the first time in weeks. 

Cas pushed Dean onto the bed and settled between his thighs, rutting against him and kissing him deeply. Dean’s hand shot out and dug around blindly in his bedside drawer for the bottle of lube as he tried to maintain the kiss. Once he had it in hand, he dropped it onto the mattress and made quick work of flipping Cas onto his back and pushing his legs towards his chest until he was almost bent in half. Cas gasped in surprise as Dean leaned down and sunk his teeth into his deliciously thick inner thigh, leaving teeth marks in his wake before soothing the sore spot with his tongue

“I’m going to fuck you Cas, and I’m not going to go easy on you,” Dean growled as he settled between Cas’ legs and rutted against the crease of the angel’s ass. “Because I’m still so angry, baby. I’m angry, and I’m scared, and I love you so much that I ache from it when you’re not here… And it’s either hit you or fuck you… so I’m gonna take what’s mine, and you’re gonna feel me inside you for a week after.”

Cas nodded his consent. “I am yours, Dean. Always.” It didn't matter if it hurt, Cas could give Dean this. He could relinquish control and let Dean use him and bend him to his will until he felt better. Cas knew he deserved it for what he’d done and what he was still going to do before the night was out. 

But he wouldn’t think about that now.

Lube-slicked fingers pressed against his entrance, caressing him briefly before Dean sunk two inside him at once. Cas winced and bit his lip at the sudden burn, whimpering a little, involuntarily. For all his dominant posturing, Dean softened immediately when he noticed that he’d hurt Cas. 

“Are you ok, baby?” Dean asked, his fingers stilling as his free hand came up to rub soothingly along Cas’ flank.

“I’m fine Dean. You can’t hurt me. I’m an angel,” Cas lied, knowing his time on earth had weakened him enough to feel everything, but he rocked his hips to try to prove how ‘ok’ he really was. Dean slid his fingers in further, crooking them and hitting Cas’ sweet spot on the first try. The angel arched off the bed with a surprised jerk of his hips and a loud moan of pleasure. 

“Found it,” Dean said with a cocky smirk before thrusting his fingers into Cas again, sure to hit the same spot.

“Dean,” Cas breathed as Dean began to thrust his fingers rhythmically, the pain fading away with each resurgence of delicious pleasure.

“God, Cas, you’re so tight. I need to be inside you so bad,” Dean rasped as he slid a third finger along side the other two. He knew this was Cas’ first time doing this and that he was being impatient, stretching the angel too fast, but his lingering anger and powerful need were too overwhelming to tame. 

“I’m ready, Dean,” Cas said with wiggle of his hips. He could feel Dean’s palpable longing rolling off of him in waves. Dean needed this. He needed to display his dominance in this moment. He needed to claim and take pleasure in Cas, and Cas would give him this if it could even begin to make up for what he was going to do. “Fuck me, Dean.”

Dean pulled his fingers free and slicked up his cock before lining up and pushing into Cas in one firm thrust. Cas cried out in pain, then bit his lip to quiet himself, and Dean’s eyes widened in shock as he felt his angel begin to tremble violently beneath him. 

“Goddamn it Cas! Why did you tell me you were ready when you’re not?” He felt helpless and his anger and urgency melted away, only to be replaced by concern. Should he pull out, or would that only hurt Cas more? He wasn’t sure, so he stilled, staying buried while leaning in to press a soft kiss to Cas’ lips. 

“You need this, Dean. I’ll be fine,” Cas said, wrapping his legs around Dean and holding him still so he couldn’t pull out. 

“Not at your expense, Cas. I don’t want to hurt you. I want you to enjoy it.”

Cas pulled Dean to him and kissed him deeply. “I’ll be fine. It doesn’t hurt much anymore.” His hands clutched Dean’s ass, pulling him further into his body, and he released a breathy moan. Encouraged, Dean ground his hips against Cas, creating just a tiny amount of friction.

“I can stop, just tell me.”

Cas shook his head forcefully. “No. Please don’t stop. I want this. I want to feel you for a week like you promised I would.” And he did. He desperately wanted Dean to take him apart piece by piece hard enough that Cas would be reminded of every little betrayal he’d ever committed against him. Later, when he would steal the Colt and sneak off into the night, he wanted that pain to serve as a penance for making Dean feel abandoned.

“Take me, Dean.”

Dean kissed Cas again, letting his lips wander over the stubble of the angel’s jaw and down the long expanse of his throat. He worshipped every inch of skin he could reach with his mouth and fingertips as he allowed Cas to adjust to the stretch of him. When Cas moaned as Dean’s teeth nipped his earlobe, Dean was encouraged to move his hips a fraction of an inch before sliding back home and was rewarded with a breathy sigh of contentment from his angel. 

“Are you ok?” he asked, his voice a ghost of a whisper against Cas’ ear. 

“Yes,” Cas said, honestly this time. 

With that, Dean withdrew and slammed back into Cas hard, the force of it pushing him back on the mattress and coaxing a strangled moan to break from deep within the angel’s chest. Cas’ hands gripped him tightly, fingers sinking into soft flesh, pulling Dean against himself, encouraging him to push on, to take what comfort he could in his body. Dean’s hips found a fast, punishing rhythm, and Cas just continued to hang on for dear life, pretty little sounds falling from his lips as the pain and pleasure mingled and made him feel more than he’d ever felt before. Dean’s hand slid up the angel’s body sensuously, and settled over his throat, squeezing just enough to make Cas’ eyes widen as he gasped in surprise, but his hand came to rest over Dean’s encouraging him to continue. He would give Dean anything and everything in this moment. 

Dean growled as the sounds of skin slapping skin filled the room, drowning out Castiel’s soft whimpers. He was filled with so many emotions at once, love, lust, anger, helplessness, and he poured them all into fucking Cas into the mattress as hard as he could. He had one hand firmly wrapped around Cas’ throat, the other fisted in the angel’s messy hair. The rest of his body covered Cas’, their damp skin sticking together as Dean worked up a slick sheen of sweat. His lips crashed down on Cas', and he kissed him roughly, tasting the distinct metallic tang of blood on his tongue as it pushed past the angel’s lips to claim his mouth. The kiss broke and Dean pressed their foreheads together. His hips slowed as he looked into the blue depths of Cas’ eyes and saw the ardent adoration that radiated from them.

“You’re infuriating,” Dean growled, thrusting into Cas forcefully. “You look at me like that, like I’m everything to you, and you leave. You always leave.” 

Cas moaned as Dean continued to pound into him. The pain had long since melted away and every thrust sent a wave of pleasure searing through his veins, almost distracting him from the overwhelming guilt that plagued him in the back of his mind.

“And I always come back,” Cas said, caressing Dean’s cheek with his fingertips, his heart skipping a beat as Dean slowed his thrusts and leaned into the touch with a resigned sigh. The man’s hand slipped away from his throat to cradle the side of his face instead. “No matter what, I always come back. Everything I do is for you, Dean, to protect you. I need you to remember that. Even when I’m not here with you, I’m fighting for you wherever I am.”

Dean moved less urgently now, grinding his hips against Cas languidly as his angel sighed and pressed kisses to his neck. “I hate when you’re not here. I hate worrying about you.” Dean murmured against Cas’ ear, loving the way his warm breath had the ability to coax a shiver to ripple up his angel’s spine. He would never tire of affecting Cas that way. “I can’t lose you again.”

“I can’t promise that you won’t,” Cas said, sadly. “After Billie…”

“No,” Dean said, cutting him off and stilling completely before kissing the breath out of the angel’s lungs. “No. I can’t think about that. You'll be fine. You have to be. I can’t…” His breath hitched as he studied Cas’ face as if trying to commit it to memory.

“I’m sure you’re right,” Cas lied, pulling Dean against him and rolling his hips to encourage the man to move again. “But I’m here now. Make the most of it.”

Dean bit back a sob and thrust into Cas slowly, making love to his angel sweetly as his emotions continued to roil and shift maniacally within him. He’d never felt so much, so intensely for another person before, his mood shifting so rapidly, but he supposed that’s what love really was at its core. If you could find that one person who can make you feel every emotion life had to offer so passionately, they were probably the one for you. 

“I need you, God Cas, I need you,” Dean gasped, his climax building as he moved inside his angel and clutched him to himself as if he would simply fly away.

“You have me.” Cas could feel Dean’s desperation pouring off of him in turbulent waves and he felt a tear fall from Dean's face to land on his and slip down his cheek. He knew their time together was drawing to a close and he would be betraying the man he loved, yet again and his own tears threatened to spill over. A hand wrapped around his cock, distracting him from his thoughts as Dean began to stroke him with determination.

“Come with me, Cas,” Dean breathed against his ear, and just like that, Cas shattered, releasing between their bodies with a startled moan. Seconds later, Dean tensed and sighed as his climax hit him forcefully and he emptied deep inside of his angel. They laid like that for a few precious minutes, kissing and caressing each other as they came down from their highs. 

“I’m gonna go clean up,” Dean said before dropping a kiss to Cas’ forehead and rolling away from him. He stood and pulled on boxers in case he ran into Sam in the hall before giving a fleeting look to Cas. “Come find me and Sam when you’re dressed. We were kind of talking about the Nephilim and the due date when you got back and trying to figure out a solution. I’m sure you’d like to hear what he’s come up with.”

“Of course,” Cas said, vaguely. Dean turned to go and Cas reached out, grabbing Dean’s hand and pulling him back down for a quick kiss. “I love you,” Cas said, pouring as much sincerity into those three little words as he could. He would need Dean to believe it, to remember it later.

“I love you too,” Dean murmured against his lips, kissing him again before pulling free and disappearing down the hall to the bathroom.

Cas watched him go, then flicked his wrist, cleaning himself up and getting fully dressed in a matter of seconds. He slid his hand under Dean’s pillow and pulled out the Colt, which thankfully was still residing there. He hated himself in that moment for what this would do to Dean, but he had a duty to fulfill and this small betrayal was worth it to keep the Winchesters out of the whole mess. He wasn’t convinced that the boys would find another solution to the Kelly Kline situation and they were quickly running out of time, so Cas would leave and do what needed to be done.

He tucked the gun into his jacket pocket, cringing as it clacked against the cassette tape, before doing a quick search for extra bullets, only to come up empty. Tapping into his grace, he hid himself from view and walked out of the room and down the hall. He cast a fleeting glance at his lover over his shoulder, said a quick silent prayer that Dean would forgive him, and quickly snuck out of the bunker and into the night without a word.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments give me life. If you're enjoying this series and want me to continue, please let me know.


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